zero gravity.
That feeling, when you're in outer space, where they're no gravity, nothing, you're just floating in space, and there's nothing. nothing to grab onto, nothing to ground you, keep you in place. You're just floating there, helpless. thats how i feel today. As if time has froze, and I'm stuck in my body, unable to escape, stuck, and there's absolutely nothing i can do.
Things have been rather rough, but today, it just all piled up. I woke up today knowing and having a gut feeling that the day wasn't going to go well. And it didn't. From not feeling well physically in the morning, to being plain out tired, having constant thoughts running through my mind that put myself down, Satan taunting at me, doubts, guilt, regrets, all piled up. It got to the point where instead of pushing myself to get through life day by day, today it was pushing myself to get through the next minute. And finally after my day was over, i couldn't take it. And i let it out. I broke down.
13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.1 Corinthians 10:13
I always think of this verse. With everything going on in my mind, I kept thinking to myself. Why. God promised me that he would not give me more than i can bear, and i feel like this is just way too much. I can't handle it. Is he just trying to push me off the edge? I really can't go through this anymore, i want to give up. I want to escape, but I'm stuck with this life and this reality. I want to leave but i can't.
My good friend was checking up on me and gave me this verse. It was the perfect verse at that time.
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Im feeling much better now. We sang You Hold Me Now at SPLOXA today, and it really spoke to me. The lyrics, i could truly relate, and listening to it again after all the craze, it was comforting, it was reassuring and it gave me all i wanted, to be held tight, to be loved. It opened the window of hope we should set out eyes on. Heaven.
No weeping.
No hurt or pain.
No suffering.
You hold me now.
No darkness.
No sick or lame.
No hiding.
You hold me now.
Im so ready to get that. To get to heaven, into that place with no pain, no tears and no suffering. But for now on earth, i will delight in my sufferings and my hardships because God is good and its with these pains i will grow stronger. For when i am weak, i am strong.
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Thanks Jason, that was a bit of how I felt today, and the bad weather didn't help either. Just have to keep in mind that God is strength and this is just the smallest fraction of life.
ReplyDeleteNot going to lie though, it's still tough, really tough. I'm still feeling hopeless with everything that is going around me, but I know that God will carry me through.