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Showing posts from May, 2012

in the making!

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sometimes we don't understand God's plan why did he do that to me? why here? why now? but eventually, we do, whether it be the next day, or decades later. I was thinking about it today, especially after seeing Bayview and Richmond Hill's pre-prom at Richmond Green. I saw them all dressed up, so pretty and stunning, and sometimes I ask myself why God put me at RGSS, away from those at AGAPE, not at bayview, or rhss, i didn't understand. prom. Prom is when we as a grade are all gathered to celebrate the four years we spent together, and today while taking photos, it was awkward not know practically 98% of the people there, but it really got me thinking about the people in my grade, at my school. They made me who I am and i couldn't thank God enough for putting me there with them. Im not sure how I would have changed, or been different if i was with the other schools. I feel like God pieced the perfect people into my life that i could get along with, and enjoy

Immanuel

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in times of trouble, He is with me. in times of pain and sorrow, He is with me. in times of confusion and frustration, He is with me. something dropped today, something just dipped into the abyss of negativity. something happened today, at two o clock, all of a sudden, a stress bomb was dropped on me. I don't know how, i don't know why, but i had a panic attack. Doing math review for a test the next day where i barely understood most of the concepts fully, and thinking about the unprepared french presentation in the next fifteen minutes. I was freaking out, i was scared, i was nervous, i was worried. to be honest, i totally forgot to abide in God, i continued to think i could do it by myself, and as the day went on, it was just a downhill slide. i started to lose motivation, i lost confidence, negative thoughts were thrown around in my mind, and i didn't know what to think. i felt like a failure, i felt like a "nobody". who's standing with me if I&

don't make me hurl !

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every tuesday, i get the great opportunity to take out the garbage. sometimes its fine, but sometimes, i want to hurl. that foul foul smell, the absolutely disgusting odour that comes from that bag of trash, sometimes i have to breathe with my mouth to prevent seeing my dinner again. yet sometimes it still gets to me and I'm on the edge of hurling. sometimes, in our spiritual life, we have trash, we have waste, we have things that have died inside of us, sins, regrets, faults, and pains we have yet to let go of, but if we continue to store it in ourselves, and keep in our lives, it soon starts to stink. It can be a grudge, and this smell starts to come out, no matter how you try to hide it and soon others will get a whiff of it too. Building that rotting death inside of you doesn't only affect those around you, but yourself as well, you may have a bad attitude, a change in personality, because you've been holding onto this waste. we have to learn to let go of the

togetherness!

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that feeling of being included. being apart of something. it feels great. Friends with Benefits had a scene where they were in the midst of a flashmob, and they said something along the lines of "you can always feel lonely in life, no matter where you are, its nice to just feel like you're apart of something." I know that feeling, of being alone, feeling like you're in the only person out there, and it sucks. But God made people for us to accompany one another. Not only can we support one another when we're together but we can share our joys and our pains, build each other up and keep each other accountable. See how God is working in not only you, but those around you, and even those across the world. There are things that we can do alone, meditation with God in prayer, studying his Word, but it doesn't hurt to join forces, meet up and worship and serve Him together too. two is better than one, and three is better than two. verse of the day: Matth

Serving The Lord

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good works doesn't lead to salvation. but salvation should lead to good works. good works cannot result in salvation. if it was measured like a meter, we would never be able to "good work" our way to heaven, we couldn't do enough because we have fallen short and have wrong God so much. But when we believe and have accepted Christ in our hearts, salvation is given to us, freely as a gift, and after we have received it, we should be thankful, and as we follow Christ, we learn to live out his live, which consists of doing good. As people who have dedicated their lives to Christ, we are to worship and serve Him, glorifying his name with everything we do. But God has aided us in this as well. He's given us gifts, whether it be hospitality, or musical gifts, we've all be granted with a special something we can use to make his name known. Also, serving Christ doesn't necessarily mean going overseas, for long term missions spreading and preaching the gos

numbered.

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I am continually thinking about this and realizing this, that everything is numbered, and once there were firsts, but now comes lasts. From prom, to last SNA, to last worship practices, numbered nights in that bed, numbered days before university, everything is slowly wrapping up. I can't take it. Thinking about it recently, i feel like everything is picking up too, but at this late late hour. Im finally starting to truly enjoy myself, have fun, feeling welcomed and accepted, but May 26th of my final year? Any later? Just being around the grade 10s today at AGAPE was exhilarating, they are full of energy and potential, they're kind, sweet, funny, and fun, and it hurts thinking about their absence next year. I feel like a whirlwind is about to pick up, i don't know whats going to happen, who I'm going to lose, who I'm going to keep, what God is trying to teach me, or what the final results will be. Im scared, I'm nervous, I'm not ready, but putting fai

expectations.

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What a crazy night. Prom, the once in a lifetime night everyone has been chatting about, getting excited for was today. To be completely honest, i wasn't excited and i dreaded it, the past two days, it got to the point where i felt like it was a chore, a tedious chore that needed to be completed. But surprisingly, once i put on my outfit for the first time, something came over me, and those prom jitterbugs came flocking. And after tonight, i must say that i did have a wonderful, amazing time. It was fun, I was content. Many people had crazy expectations about it, how it was the perfect night, i know so many people were going crazy, and the news has reported that teenagers are spending hundreds of dollars on this simple night, on make up and dresses, and its just been so hyped and people have had such high expectations. Tonight, i felt like those with such expectations were disappointed. Sometimes we create these expectations for things in life, but they end up disappointing us

The Wait.

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There are some things in life where only time will heal. Sometimes there are struggles we deal with, our questions we ask where the answer is wait. Suck it up, and wait it out. It's hard, its frustrating and its tiring, but you have to have complete faith in Christ, knowing and believing that he will life you up and out of your troubles. I've personally been going through "The Wait" too. I feel like i've done all i can, and that there are things that i cannot control, where all i can do is wait. And to my surprise, after a few years of waiting, i feel like its finally starting to deteriorate. Is the wait over? Is it just going to ignite again? I don't know, but I'm trying my best to stay faithful to Him, because he knows whats best for me. Frustrating, yes. Tedious, yes. Worth it? yes. Learn to have faith in the Lord and just simply, wait. verse of the day: Psalm 27:13-14 13  I remain confident of this:   I will see the goodness of the  Lord 

Goodbyes.

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Season 3 of Glee came to a conclusion tonight with their season finale as the graduating class graduated, said their goodbyes, and walked away from McKinley High once and for all. Its so relevant to me right now because as we watched them complete their last year of high school, I'm in their exact same spot, going through prom, applying, waiting and getting those response letters, and finally graduating. They said their goodbyes tonight, and I came to realize that soon, it'll be my turn as well. I honestly don't know how ready I am. Parts are me are ready to go, I'm ready to move on from high school and hit the uncharted waters known as university, I'm ready to be set free from the restrictions at home, and be exposed to new found freedom as i learn to live independently. While at the same time, leaving the comfort of home, my sweet bed, but more importantly, the people i love, that last chance to say goodbye and part our separate ways, i don't know what

Famine.

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Im currently doing my 30 hour famine, and i feel like this time around, i really got to realize how precious food is. The past few weeks, there've been times where i've lost my appetite and didn't want to eat, but during this famine, there's cravings and I just want food. We've really been blessed with what we have, quick access to food, in our fridge, just the supermarket contains food from all over the world, in a simple building. We really are blessed. Be thankful everyday of what you have, who you have, the blessings, the opportunities and his love. verse of the day: 1 Thessalonians 5:18 18  give thanks in all circumstances;  for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Wit's End.

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When things don't go your way. When it seems like everything's done. When it feels like you've hit rock bottom. When you're at your wit's end. Ready to give up, ready to lose hope. Had enough, can't go on. Im sure we have experienced that before in our lives, at least one point in time. Its discouraging, its frustrating, and often times, we may question God, wonder where he is an why he's abandoned us. When we have Satan breathing down our neck, we easily get distracted, our own thoughts tear us down, we over think and analyze everything, and things just seem to get worse. We have to look forward to something, we have to have hope in something, or else there really is nothing worth living for. If there was no hope, we would basically live and die. We must remember to set out eyes on Christ, the one who will unconditionally love us forevermore. He will never leave our side in times of darkness and in times of trouble. As long as we continue to follo

there's a plank...

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Who am I to judge? Who are you to judge? We are equal in sin. One of the biggest qualities i look in a friend is that they aren't judging. That I can be my 100% self around them, ask the stupidest questions and not get a glare, or a "really? you didn't know that?" or a "do you live under a rock?". Sarcastic or serious, it hurts. And who are we to judge each other. We are equal in sin, equally at fault, and have all fallen short of God's glory. “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.  2  For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. 3  “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?  4  How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?   5  You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove

illusions.

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"personality is a dangerous illusion." That line struck me today when I was sitting in the auditorium, watching the AY Drama 12 students take the stage with absurd, intriguing and brilliant theatre. The context of the line came from one of the absurd pieces where it was said by the priest (i think) where he is a representative of the church in the eyes of society, but within the play, he had hidden secrets, doing drugs and only putting out that proper image when in the light. This bugs me a lot, when we as Christians, representatives are Christ are two-faced. Yes, i understand that we are not perfect, but its the worst when we know of it yet we choose to continue to still do it. By doing so, we smear the name of Christ. Christ was known as love, accepting, non-judgemental, and wise. He was known for much more than that, and we have to continue to live that out. We are called to be light of the world, and the way of Christ is not the ways of this world. By following h

Tumble of Death.

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Grade 12? You're probably feeling the exact same way. Its mid-May, there's prom coming up, almost all the results from universities are in, we pretty much know where we are going, and it feels like we're trapped birds that have almost broken loose. So easy to just give up now, and just start to enjoy whats to come. Im sure we were all reminded of that last semester, i remember being told to stick it out until the end, and i totally thought to myself, "no, i won't get that, I'm a hard working student right? this won't affect me." But nope, it is getting to me, big time. There are certain courses where technically i don't need anymore, could just give up and let it slide, but i still have a few strings holding me back from that, but it feels like each day that passes, another string snaps, and its only a matter of time before I'm free. We can't. We can't give up. As easy as it feels. I think we can all feel like this sometimes in o

Journey: Guangxi

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We focused on anger and forgiveness today. We all get into conflicts, there are always difference in opinions, and just when people don't get along. It often can spark anger, and tension, but thats completely fine, no one ever said that you had to get along with every person you see. But how you deal with it is whats most important. When there's conflict, there are two main roads we can take. Bitterness. You can take this conflict and make it anger, you can twist it into revenge, and act upon it. It can get much worse, its practically playing with fire. Whats worse is that when we are bitter when we hold grudges, it doesn't help. It affects us, our relationship with others as well as our relationship with God. It will eat you from the inside out and the bitterness will eventually start pouring out of you. Forgiveness. God calls us to forgive, continuously, over and over again. When forgiving, you are channelling Christ's love for us, and similar to bitterness

May His Will Be Done.

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Some things just don't work out. God has a plan for each and every one of us. Lately i've been learning and thinking about giving up my life to Him. Im sure each of us have some things in our life that we are still holding onto, unable to let go of. May it be something personal, a secret, or a person, a relationship, we hate not having control of things. I know when i plan and organize things, things must always be under control or else it just doesn't work out for me. There are some things we can't control. For instance, university acceptances. We can work hard, and get those marks in as high as we can, but the decision the university makes are completely out of our control. I think that its in these times where we have to learn to let go, and give it to God to handle. He is greater, he has a paved road for us, its up to us to focus on that road, or for us to be curious on things that are off the path. Let His will be done. Humble yourself, and let Him use you h

specify in prayer.

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Sometimes i feel like prayer life can feel like such a routine. Sometimes i pray, and i confess that sometimes its just nonsense coming out of my mouth. And i know that its so wrong, that i shouldn't be praying like that, but it just happens sometimes. I feel like its very dull. I was reading my devotions before heading into first period today, and it was about pray specifically. Instead of saying things like "Lord, bless and heal the sick ones", you can pray for those who are sick that you know. I personally do do that often in my prayers, i have specific requests, and certain people i pray for. Just something about it seems dull. I feel like that spark is kinda of lost, and I'm unsure of how to get it back. I think what i can do right now is just to try my best to be fully honest in prayer, and be wholehearted. Not to rush it, and to treasure it because I'm spending time with the God of the universe. It can easily be just brushed off because its hard to r

advice vs. news

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During communion, the pastor went up to do his introduction and it really struck me. Advice vs. news. Pretend you're in a situation where you have cancer. Which of the following phrases are more comforting and reassuring? a) you need to eat right, need to go to these activities, and do this. b) you've been cured from your cancer. Obviously b) right? He said that we often take church and christianity, and see it as advice. We see it as a set of rules, and we have to follow it, we have certain practical steps to overcome this, and go through that, but this isn't how we should be living, with and as advice. We should be living the news. The good news, that Christ has risen and that we are saved. When he was talking about that, i thought to myself. "I'm saved." It was quite reassuring! We often think that we're continuously working towards salvation, when the truth is we're already saved, we're already in the book of life, and he's alread

opportunity awaits.

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its frustrating when you work hard and you plan something just to see it not be appreciated. Tonight at AGAPE, we had careers night, and it was planned, the guests were there and the sessions were going about it, but it was a bit disappointing to see people just sitting and loafting. I tried to get them to move along, but why would they listen to me anyways. Eventually i gave up. I realized that i've done all I can. I've prepared and presented them with the opportunities to look, to learn, to experience, but its up to them to take and size the opportunity or not. Its the same with our Lord. He presents us with opportunities and chances all the time, its up to us to firstly see it and acknowledge it, and second take it in and seize it. God has so much planned for us, so many blessings and gifts for us, but we have to learn to take it and accept it. Will you take it? verse of the day: Galatians 6:10 10  Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good   to all people,

ducklings!

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The past few days on the way to and from school, i've noticed little goslings twaddling across the field with their mother goose. But it was today that i stopped, i watched, and observed life, as spring has finally sprung (with the most outrageous weather i must say). I noticed the protective parents as i walked by, i noticed how curious and how ignorant the ducks were. As they stumbled towards the pond, i noticed one was left behind, checking out the plants or something. I really took it in, this was life. You start off as a child, always thinking, and living in the moment. Then later on, you grow, you learn and you become a parent, to the point where you're thinking ahead, there are more things that bother you, from the people watching and glaring by, to the struggles you deal with everyday. 13  People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them.  14  When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, 

role modelling.

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Role model. As followers of Christ, we need to be good representatives of him, constantly reflecting Him. I've never really looked at myself as a role model, but the past year, there have been people that have told me that they look up to me. It was a shock. Why would you look up to me out of all people? What is it about that you admire? Why me? Although i continue to question myself, over and over, knowing that there are people that look up to me, its different. Because there are people looking up to me, i have to put on my A-game like never before. I try my best to set that good example for them, in hopes that those who look up to me will learn and be influenced to do the same. But it was today when I felt the pressure of being this role model. I want to set that example for others, especially for those younger than me, but today i felt like, for me to do that, i had to be perfect and have no flaws. I love it when I have people that support me, and that i can support, wher

under construction.

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Are there any days where everything is just perfect and ideal? I doubt it, we're going to always be going through something, a struggle, or a challenge, with a friend, or with yourself. But life can never be perfect as disappointing as it sounds. Because we are work in progress. God is constantly working on us, crafting and moulding us into something greater and something stronger. Undergoing all these changes brings up mess, everywhere. When you're renovating, making an art piece, working or studying, in the process of something, there is mess. From the dust and wood shavings, the paint and the clay, or the sheets and pencils, there is mess. I personally hate mess, hate when things are unorganized, it makes the future (near or far) so blurry, and it worries me and i get anxious over it. Many times when things are messy, we forget to look at the big picture, and get pushed to the verge of giving up. We have to keep the final result in mind. We know that after we renovat