Your Final Hours - O Lord, What Do You Have For Me Today? (II)

8:31am and it’s Victoria Day

I lie here in bed

My eyes are willed close

Avoiding phone and bad news 

Outside, the wind blows 

“grandma still the same as last night” 

is the first text I see

God gives you another day

and gives another to me

12:05pm

My eyes are sore and hurting

From the tears of yesterday 

I yearn to hear once more, your voice

But memories are my only choice

Lying down, I try to rest my head

But in my bed I cry instead 

God sees each precious tear that falls

Hearing me and you when to Him we call

Grief is the price we pay for love

I stopped on my way for your favourite treats 

Durian puffs

Steamed buns 

And from home, lilacs sweet 

I waited for the dim sum

envying all the other pohpohs

But we will feast again in eternity, together evermore 

In the car I called out

Why won’t you go already!

My heart can’t be toyed with for yet another day

But Lord, what do you have for me today?

I arrive it’s 1:32pm and here you still are

In the A wing, 

But under His wings, 

Your refuge and shelter

Your breathing’s more shallow

You’re twitching a bit 

only hours left now, the doctor is sure (he was wrong)

Have I any more strength to sing anymore?

Our God's in your midst

Quieting you with his love

Rejoicing with gladness 

The Mighty One sings loudly over you

Pohpoh, how did your heart beat for 99 long years?

Each breath, each step

Amidst every fear

An appendix that burst

And now fluid in your lungs 

But God alone is with you 

Mum and I, we sit together sharing memories of you

When you tripped over me crawling

When I peeled longan for you

When Elias brought you flowers 

When I visited after school for hours 

Apparently you had the most visitors of all at your long term care home

Oh how dearly loved you are

My frail and sweet Pohpoh

Mum says you dreamt once that you went up to heaven 

wearing too short of a skirt 

but your sins have been paid for

by His blood, it is finished 

From hospital gown to Christ’s righteous shirt 

2:24pm 

Twenty four hours now in palliative care 

Mom’s off to get coffee for the treats, just our share 

I split the steamed bun and my heart splits in two

I don’t think I can eat this without you enjoying it too

My grief speaks with blurred vision 

Can you smell the foul durian?

We will share again, a meal without sorrow

And outside your window, returned are the sparrows 

I lean over and whisper softly into your ear

婆婆, Jason ah

Are you comfortable?

Are you suffering?

婆婆, I love you 

How many more times do I have to say goodbye?

What are you waiting for and for what reason why?

Okay, no more sad songs

Let’s go see the King! 

It’s time to rejoice

To you once more I sing

Did you draw a breath as the dawn awoke 

And does your heart still beat?

Is the mighty word of the living God

Upholding you, then sing, O sing!

Has the conqueror trampled over death

Is Christ enthroned?

Then sing, O sing!

Your mouth must be dry since breathing agape

I wet your lips with a pink sponge on a stick

Mom tells me your story 

Born in poverty, in China

Your marriage arranged

A hard life, unchanged

Stricken with hardships and pain

You were taken advantage of 

Again and again 

Isolation, depression 

it all settled in

But God,

sought you,

chose you,

preserved you

and saved you. 

Hallelujah what a Saviour!

Watching you breathe

It’s so hard to see 

Shallow breaths

A deep breath

A pause

In between 

37 per minute

53 000 per day

and each one is numbered 

A gift from Yahweh. 

5:02pm, I gotta leave pretty soon

I’ve written some sillies on your patient communication board 

Disappointing you again because I’m not going home for dinner 

Call me when you go 

I bid yet another tearful goodbye

Will I see you tomorrow, 婆婆?