more tears?

who would've thought there'd be more tears to come today.

Today we had a first small drama practice with a group of friends for ACUPE night, our annual coffeeshop-like event, they decided to remake the chisel video (above) by the skit guys and i was re-watching it beforehand and something just hit me. I had to go upstairs and because i couldn't hold it. Im not sure what it was, but something was tugging at me.

Listening to it carefully, it was exactly what i needed to hear. It was exactly what I was needed to be reminded of.

I am God's original masterpiece. That was the catchline of the video.

I always think lowly of myself, i don't think I'm worthy of anything, i don't think I'm good enough for anything or anyone, i can beat myself down to pulp, but with others, I'm able to encourage, and praise them, but with myself, its the complete opposite. I never have faith in my work, i need so much reassurance, its horrible. Sometimes i think that i've failed at life. To the point where there's no turning back, that i've ruined it.

Junk. I think I'm junk.

In the video, "God" says "you've listened to so many voices for far too long that aren't of me. You think you are junk don't you? You really, really, really, really think you are junk. Listen to me. I don't make junk. What does that say about me."

God doesn't make junk. Thats insulting to him.

I also constantly compare myself to others, and that was something that was needed to be chiseled off. Im always thinking of how people are so great and how I'm not, what they have and what i don't, what I'm missing.

God doesn't make copies.

I can feel all the weight on me. All the dirty nasty things that need to be chiseled off. God needs to come in and do that, but will i let him take over and do i have the faith to let him do what he needs to do? I say yes, but i think there are parts of me that are still resisting.

I am God's original masterpiece.
I am God's original masterpiece.
I am God's original masterpiece.
And so are you.

verse of the day: Psalm 139:13-14

¹³ For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. ¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.