Job Hunting With God Almighty

"what's your desire?" said my friend - that's what started this whole story. We were discussing about how to discern God's will, and he made a good point - that sometimes we focus so much on what God wants, we say "where you tell me, i'll go - just tell me where!". I've learnt that when discerning God's will, there's never really a one and only one correct door to walk through. God can use whichever doors you have discerned to walk through for His glory and your sanctification. But it's true, many times I get stuck between options because I can't figure out where God wants me to be - but as my friend pointed out, sometimes God turns the question on you and asks you "what do you desire? what do you want?" -- "what? we get choice?" you may say - but of course! We're not just zombie robot hybrids - God gives us free will to choose - and isn't that a great thing!?

Fast forward and with that thought bubbling in my mind, i've realized that I had developed a strong desire to stay in Guelph - and when I say strong, I mean strong, potentially too strong (cue in the Fear of Losing blog post - HERE). I really want to stay because of the community and the relationships i've made and built here - the church that God has used to sanctify and discipline me, the list goes on. And as these strong desires flowed through my veins, God dropped an interview into my lap - an interview at the African Lion Safari. 

This was my chance - if I could nail this interview, i'd be secure in Guelph! But for some odd reason and I can only attribute it to God alone, but once I got the interview, these strong desires just completely disappeared. It's ironic; I finally got what I wanted and I just thought "nah maybe I don't want it anymore". It wasn't that I didn't want to be in Guelph anymore, but I would say it was because I was content and at peace with going wherever God was going to call me to go - Guelph, Richmond Hill, elsewhere. But there was no way this was because of me, this was only by the power and work of the Holy Spirit in my heart and praise God for that. 

Regardless, I went to the interview, and I found myself becoming very prideful. The interview required me to do a 2-4 minute presentation, and knowing that I love doing presentations, I knew exactly the animal I was going to talk about and what points I could make to help make my interview more impressive - in fact, even before my interview, I found myself talking to others as if I had already gotten the job! But once again, I thank God because I was quickly reminded to humble myself - that as likely and as confident I was in getting the position, God could always turn things around. Again - I can't find any other explanation but the powerful work of the Holy Spirit (do you notice a repeating theme?).

And lo and behold, a few days later I received the results - and I was offered the job. Praise God - not just because He gives us good things, but that He is good and faithful even though I was so prideful in my ways, idolizing the good things He gave me. And yet He continues to lavish His grace upon me, even though I am completely undeserving of it. But again, even though I saw the email sitting in my inbox, and I had to read it a few times to fully wrap my head around it, I didn't pounce on my keyboard to immediately reply and accept the offer; I actually found myself hesitant. Why? I'm still not sure - I thought that perhaps it was because of how I was missing my family back at home, missing my grandmother who probably was expecting me to come back after I graduate, or maybe it was just the fear of sorting everything out (living alone, finding another car...) - there were surely a few uncertainties in place. But after discerning, thanksgiving and prayer I decided to take the job. I was ready to take that leap of faith. Sometimes you can't wait until you're at peace, and when everything has fallen into place before you go - that's what faith requires! So I told myself - if this is God's will, He'll provide the means for me to get there and be there. 

I think a big point to draw from this story, which i've alluded to already, is that it really is God and God alone that changes hearts and attitudes. So many times in the past, i've gotten so frustrated, when my mind knows what to do but my heart is lagging behind. Knowing that I should serve joyfully, but my heart didn't want to. Doing devotions but just not feeling it, or when wrestling with discontent in God, and knowing that that wasn't where my heart was supposed to be. And it's annoying when you know but you can't do anything about it. There's no special product you can just take orally and suddenly be changed. But throughout this experience, I was shown, quite clearly, that God is the one who changes hearts. Whether if it was when He convicted me of pride, or when He withdrew my strong idolizing desires towards good things. So if you're struggling with that - I encourage you to take a breath, lift it up and submit it to God. Continue to wrestle with it though, but rest knowing that the Holy Spirit is at work in you.

"The king's heart is a stream of water in the hand of the LORD; he turns it wherever he will." - Proverbs 21:1

End of story? Not exactly. Within days of accepting the job at the safari, I got an email from the University of Guelph Arboretum - a position I applied for almost two months ago; I was actually expecting a response from them but not this late in the game, and besides I had already accepted my offer at the safari. But they wanted to interview me, and I thought to myself, "hey why not, i'll just get some more interview experience anyways". Long story short - I went to the interview, had a lot of fun, and realized how badly I preferred the job at the arboretum. The interview went well too, I've already worked with the one who'd be my supervisor before so we already have an established relationship, and his comments made it sound really promising (which didn't help with how badly I wanted it!). But once again, I took it to the LORD, submitting it to Him and consciously reminded myself that God is in control. I've been in situations before where something seems perfect in every way, but God shuts the door. I had to be okay if that was the result! 

Now this was an interesting predicament - God timed this perfectly. I had just accepted the job at the safari the week before, but accepting the job also required a mandatory paperwork date during the Easter weekend (this weekend) - and during that time in-between, this arboretum job came up. I did the interview, and received the news that I got the job the next day. Here's what was going through my mind.

At the safari, I think I would have preferred that job (at first). It would definitely be more easy, and more fun (or at least that's what I was thinking). I would probably enjoy seeing the exotic animals everyday, and the learning curve wouldn't be too bad - once I memorized the script, I would just be repeating myself over and over again all summer long. At the same time, I would lose my weekends, and be working hours that are not set in stone (25-35 hours). Would this job lead to other opportunities? It seemed like a "dead end job" - I don't think I could get a good reference out of it, and I don't think I would have learnt too much since it's the same thing day after day. 

On the other hand, at the Arboretum, I think it would definitely be more challenging, but also more rewarding - my main responsibility is to lead a nature walk every Wednesday night - but the topics change every week, so I would constantly be learning something new. I also feel like I lacked in the identification and knowledge department so the learning curve would be steep. But I was informed there is so much more to the job, unexpected programs, sitting in on workshops for free, spontaneous field trips, and I would be pretty much working one-on-one with the interpretative biologist and educational coordinator. They've also introduced a one-year internship that I could potentially get after (but let's not think about that just yet), and as a bonus, my family and I also wouldn't need to scramble to find a car so I could get to work (if I worked at the safari). 

Now the question was - would it be going against my word if I declined the safari job (after I said I would accept, but hadn't signed any paperwork yet) and accepted the arboretum job? The email did say that if I couldn't make it to the mandatory paperwork date, they would just put my application back into the pool, so I could just say I couldn't make it right? but would that be honest? The safari also gave me this exactly situation four years ago, and they actually gave away my job before they said they would, so this could be payback - but of course, that's not the right way to think about it.

For those who have actually read this far and are at the edge of their seat for the final conclusion - what I decided was that I would decline the safari job and take the arboretum job. Though it would probably be more challenging, I know I will learn so much more there. And I didn't think there was anything wrong with declining the safari after accepting considering I hadn't signed anything yet. Of course if I had signed something, that would be a different story. But what are your thoughts? Was there anything dishonouring in how I approached and handled the situation? 

With that being said, it's finalized! I'll be staying in Guelph as the Summer Interpretive Naturalist Intern. I'm so excited! All glory to God alone, who provides accordingly, knowing exactly what I need, knowing what's best for me. Praise the LORD who is faithful when I have been faithless, when I have rebelled against Him. All this being said, I want to make it clear that life isn't all go-lucky prosperous when you follow the LORD - but He does lavish his grace upon us because He loves us - and that isn't just seen in what He does or gives, but as simply with who He is. 

LORD I am unworthy of your love, but I thank and praise you that you love me; without you I am nothing - may I remember and recount your wondrous deeds, fixing my eyes upon you so that I may not stray.