Living in Tension

There has been one question on my mind this past week. Why does it seem like I have lost joy in following Christ? But before getting there, i'll rewind and explain how I got there.

So the past four weeks, my church has been going through a series in Psalm 15, and it addressed what a true worshipper is and what they look like. The psalm begins by asking God a question, "O LORD who shall sojourn in your tent? Who shall dwell on your holy hill?" Too often we come into the presence of the LORD too lightly, we think it's our right, almost that we're doing God a favour by coming and worshipping him, when in fact only one person is worthy of worshipping God, Jesus Christ. As we went through the passage, it was pointed out all the qualities of a true worshipper, and how we as sinful, broken humans cannot fulfill all these to the standard God expects of us.

Lately, I've been thinking about this myself, i've been understanding the sinner that I am, the trials I wrestle and struggle with, and I know that I understand, accept and acknowledge the sinful nature within me. As sinners, we all cannot ever reach the perfection God wants in this life on earth.

At the same time, I know that God expects perfection, He isn't going to lower his standards or anything. As a follower of Christ, we are to strive to be more and more like Christ in every aspect of our lives. I try, and yes I stumble, but I still try; which is good right? But I seem to have hit some sort of wall as I try to reconcile the two, the perfect expectation that God wants, and my limited abilities to achieve that. How do the two go hand in hand?

With Psalm 15 as an example, again the passage points to Christ. He is the only one that fulfill the role of the true worshipper, and because we know and believe in Christ and what He has done, we are hidden in Him, clothed in his righteousness, so that when the day of judgment comes, God sees Christ in us rather than our sinful selves. 

This led me to the next question, what does "hiding in Christ" even mean or look like? I imagine a kid "hiding", in a box or something, sitting there, passively; but that can't be what it means right? I talked to my pastor and he mentioned that hiding in Christ means trusting in his forgiveness, having faith in Him. Similar to abiding in Him, as it tells us in John 15, He is the vine, we are the branches, and that those abide in Him will draw from him, grow and bear good fruit.

With all that being said, the reality of wrestling with not being perfect, yet remembering God's standard, the discouragement I feel, and the return to God for mercy and forgiveness; I think the constant battle has almost stolen the joy from me. I wasn't able to reconcile the two, and it just brought me down. Maybe I was dwelling too much on the sin and I had forgotten the goodness of his grace and mercy, I don't know, but the way my pastor put it really helped me put what I was playing around with in my mind into words. He said that we are all living in tension.

We are all recognizing sin, being convicted, turning back to Christ for forgiveness, and then recognizing more sin, and the cycle repeats itself. Its here, its there, its now, its later, we are constantly and will continually live in this tension. I thought to myself, then how is that a good thing? where is the joy in that? My pastor responded by saying that we should embrace it. We should remember God's faithfulness. We should trust in God's forgiveness. We should immerse ourselves in God's unconditional love. We should find joy in the tension.

LORD, would you help and teach me to hide in you. Though our convictions pierce our heart, may your pursuit out of love for your unfaithful people resonate ever more strongly within us! Overwhelm me with your love!

Yes we are sinners, yes we are wretched, and yes we are broken, but know that regardless of how "bad" we are, the LORD loves us so much that he came after us; in the form of a man, he pursued both you and me, because he wants to have a relationship with us. He doesn't need us, but yet He still chooses us. He even took it to death, death on a cross, that He would die in our place, and take the penalty we deserve! How great is that joy, and may that be the joy that we hold onto as we live in tension and as we are sanctified by the trials of life. As I explained this to my friend this morning, I got a glimpse of that joy in the good news that is the gospel. The joy I have to choose, remember and hold onto.

HERE is an article I think explains what I was talking about and goes deeper in exploring it too.