A Salad of Updates
"jumble of updates"
I know i know, i havent updated in YEARS. But what you're about to read is a mumblejumble of updates, thoughts, reflections, all compiled into one post.
The past two weeks, i've been MIA because of my missions trip at ouje-bougoumou. In a nutshell, we had to run, plan, organize and execute a 4-5 day bible vbs (vacation bible school) camp for 20+ kids ages 6-11. Activities from games, crafts, snacks, bible stories and worship, all compiled. I went the previous year, and what an experience it was. Thats why im back this year to help out. Every year is different. This year, i felt like there werent that many memorable and eventful moments i can cherish, but i feel like i didnt really put myself out there for God's use. I kinda just did what i wanted to do, which... i kinda regret. I also didnt feel fully spiritually and physically prepared for this trip. Maybe thats why i wasnt able to be put into full force for God's using. Times of laughter, smiles, tears and sadness, an emotional rollar coaster ride within the 10 days. I miss all these kids so dearly. Im scared they'll get hurt, they'll fall away from God, and i feel kinda useless too. Im so far away. All i can do is pray and trust in God. I miss them so much and i love them so much. The more and more i think about it, the more i wonder, is God calling for me to commit to OJ, to stay and help this place for a longer time period?
For more of my pain and how i feel, visit THIS.
This year, i've officially admitted to myself, God and others a problem i have. My priorities are messed up. I've been going to missions for PEOPLE (friends), GOD, then KIDS. It should be GOD, KIDS, PEOPLE. This has been something i've been denying just so i could go on the trip, in hopes that alongside serving God and sharing his word, i could build a stronger relationship with my friends over than time span. I've talked to people about it, and they've said, its just a change of heart. Please pray for me that i can change my heart so the priorities are set right, and are for God. People should come last. I shouldnt base what missions i go on because of who's coming with me.
On the topic of OJ and missions, yet another conflict has arisen for next year. The first year (last year), a conflict arose between OJ and my first cousin's wedding. What to do. I couldnt really hear God speaking to me, so my plan was this. Do what i want to do, but let God be in full control. If he didnt want me there, just do whatever you need to do to allow your plan to happen. Next year, comes a bigger conflict. OJ vs. CHINA + Korea, Japan, HK. My parents want to go on a family missions in China, then take me on a "Graduation" vacation to HK, Japan, Korea. Its gonna be fun i know, but i feel so attached to the kids. I feel like i belong there. China will bring new experiences, new relationships, but OJ... i just feel like i belong there. Please please pray for me the next YEAR, yes im giving myself and God a full year in hopes i'll hear what he wants. As much as i want to go to OJ, i want to know HIS PLAN. I want to know where he wants and what he wants and i shall follow. It will be heart-breaking if i cant go to OJ next year, but we'll see. we'll see. God do your magic. This year at OJ, i learnt to WATCH and PRAY, not WAIT and PRAY. Watch is ACTIVE. Constantly focused for answers, expecting God to answer whereas waiting is just loafting, with a high chance of missing what he has in store for me.
What i talked about was the "past" bit, here comes the present.
Today, i helped out with the children's service in the morning. And there's something i noticed. I seem to ALWAYS notice God speaking to me and have these great OMG moments in these small kiddie services. Throughout the entire service today, there were these two kids. One was a complete distraction, constantly making noises and distracting his friend next to him. But his friend, yes sometimes he would fall into his distraction and get rowdy with him, but as i observed and watched, i realized that he was fighting temptation. Just like me, just like everyone else. And i was so impressed how focused he was on singing and on God. His friend, good friend im guessing was doing something which could have been so much more fun, yet he stayed focused. How could he do that and i cant for God? Im here with my own struggles and temptations. Satan does his little dance and i easily give in. Why cant i follow that kid, and set my eyes focused on God. Its okay to fall into satan's grasp as in its normal to fail, but as long as we continue to strive, God will be pleased. What a reminder.
Here comes the future. After tonight, i will be helping out with the VBS day camp at RHCCC for two full weeks. This will bring frustration, fatigue but im ready to face it head on. Last year i had loads of fun bonding with the kids. I can honestly say im not excited or looking forward to this camp yet, even though its hours away, but the truth is that im still missing my kids from Quebec. I miss them so much. I miss hearing their voices, seeing their smiles, and having them in my arms. I've never felt this way before. Please pray for strength, for focus and for patience. Im sure there will be the rowdy kids in the group. Help all us leaders and counsellors to have patience with them and to constantly love them through everything we do. May we set an example and radiate Christ's love and life through our actions and words. Help us lead with love and be servant towards the kids. May we do everything for God's glory with a humble heart.
Lastly, Devos. You noticed that i havent been posting lately. And im scared i wont be for the next two weeks, but we'll see. This month, i tried to do Proverbs. I once heard in a sharing that Proverbs has 31 chapters, which is perfect, one per day in the month. Each month you'd repeat Proverbs and it'll help deepen your understanding. It worked in Quebec, where i woke up each morning to do devos to read. But im already behind like 3 days. Horrible. I hope to keep trying and finishing off the month strong by completing Proverbs. You really need to make time for this kinda stuff. We'll see where God takes me in this devo.
Please continue to pray for me! If you ever have anything you'd like me to pray for, comments questions concerns, feel free to just write something in the comments below! I'd be happy to read it!
SHOUTOUT TO BEST BUDD LIZ! She's baptized today! PRAISE GOD!
10For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.
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