The Curse of Singleness

For the most part, I think many would agree that society and media places romantic relationships on a high pedestal. We see it on the television screen, we see it in novels, we see it in the theatres, and on social media (#relationshipgoals). And the world encourages each and everyone of us to pursue a romantic relationship of whatever kind, as long as it feels good and you are following the desires of your heart, no matter what it means. The world says "you will be fulfilled when you are in a relationship".

So what does that mean for the single person who hasn't found "the one" yet? It could mean loneliness, it could mean sadness and depression of sorts, and as many have so lovingly claimed for me on my behalf, it means "a lack of fulfillment". Oh, the curse of singleness!

But reader, let me be clear, singleness is not a curse.

"Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another." 

- 1 Corinthians 7:6-7

In 1 Corinthians, Paul writes to the church of Corinth and in chapter 7, he is addressing the principles of marriage (the marital covenant between a man and woman before God) but Paul speaks to the single as well. "I wish that all were as I myself am" - Paul was referring to his own state of singleness. "Each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another" - referring to being either married or single.

The sovereign God of the Bible has ordained each respective season of life that we go through, and He does it for our good. As seen in God's Word, singleness (just like marriage) is a gift from God. Scripture says that the single person can be wholly devoted to God, whereas those who are married are divided in their attention (1 Corinthians 7:32-35). There isn't one state/gift (being single or married) that is better or more fulfilling than the other. The born again Christian is already made perfect and complete in Christ alone, justified by faith, and fulfilled by their identity in Christ - our relationship status does not accomplish any of this for us.

It can be hard at times struggling with same-sex attraction and thinking that I may be single for the rest of my life on earth, because God has made us to have intimate relationships. We can see the importance of relationship and community throughout scripture - but we also see that there is value for the single person as well. But praise be to God for He has helped me see and understand that singleness is in fact a gift - a valuable gift from our heavenly Father.

For the super keen, Christmas is approaching - and it's likely that most of us have some Christmas shopping to do - whether if we do it early or last minute. When we begin to think of who to buy for and what to buy, you consider the person you are giving the gift to. What do they like? What would be useful to them? What would be best for them? Not only do you think of what they would like, but assuming they meant much to you, you would go out of your way to compare products, read reviews, do your very best to make sure your friend or loved one was getting nothing but the best. But that's just the beginning - you still have to take the effort to make time in your schedule to go to the mall, search the shops and the aisles (or the interwebs for the online shopper), and if you're super keen, you'd be comparing prices to make sure you get the best deal. Hey, you might even go out of your way and get it personally customized! Once you've found the perfect gift, you get in line to purchase the gift with the money you've worked hard for. There is still the gift wrapping to do and the card to write, but once done, you take the time to find this friend or loved one and present the thoughtful and handpicked gift before them.

In the same way, I guess you could say that God went shopping and thought "what would be the best gift for _______________ in this current season of life?" He saw the gift of singleness and considering all the factors (God is all-knowing after all), He picked it out - especially for you.

Now imagine yourself to be on the receiving end of this gifting, I know my heart would well up with joy knowing that this friend/loved one considered me, and I probably won't even know the extent they took to get it for and to me. However receiving any gift, I'm sure we'd be thankful, we would treasure it and use it, even if we may not necessarily like it or think that it isn't right for us.

But how would you feel if they responded negatively? What if they rejected it, didn't show their appreciation, and even had the audacity to demand for something else? How do you think God would feel if you rejected His gift of singleness, if you expressed your discontentment with it, and to go as far as calling it a curse? How offensive would that be to God!

Singleness, marriage, blessings and trials, they are all gracious gifts from God above which He chose for you. So with thanksgiving, steward the gifts you receive from God well.

For the single person, God may grant you the gift of marriage someday. There's nothing wrong with having healthy desires for it or to pray for it, but remember that He has never promised that all would be married one day. So be and rest content whether it happens or not - He cares for you and does all things for your good and His glory!

For the married person, encourage and love the single person. Even in the church it is often easy to unintentionally uphold marriage as better than singleness. Asking questions like "have you got a girlfriend/boyfriend yet?" can give the impression that one's fulfillment and completion is contingent on their relationship status when that is simply not the case. Remember that both the born again single and the born again married person are already complete and fulfilled in Christ alone!

"Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches."  

- 1 Corinthians 7:17

When we went through 1 Corinthians 7 as a church, one way my pastor put it was to "simply play the hand you've been dealt". Like in any card game, you are given a hand to play with. You cannot just switch your cards out because you don't like them, but you play the game to the best of your abilities with what you've been given. So do the same with your singleness or your marriage, giving thanks to God the Father in the name of Jesus Christ.