Immersed in His Creation

This weekend we had the opportunity of practicing the spiritual discipline of silence and solitude. I remember trying this out in first year - I remember sitting in my room, in silence, and wrestling with just clearing my mind before I could start meditating and reflecting. And God revealed himself to me through music as a song lyric passed my mind and upon listening to it, it was exactly what I needed to hear.

This past weekend, God graciously met me in my silence again. Just earlier that day, I had been sharing with my small group about how sometimes it gets lonely being single - it's hard to be fully content in singleness when the whole world (and even the church sometimes) emphasizes marriage so much. And being the emotional person that God has made me, craving relational and amicable intimacy with others, I find myself easily invested into people and friends. It is something that I wrestle with letting go of and submitting to God. I often catch myself finding my identity in it, or putting it at too high of a priority in my life. Acknowledging this, I tried to redirect this to God. I tried to make sure that it wouldn't become an idol in my life. I tried to guard my heart.

But all these efforts ended with the struggle of finding intimacy, not with other people but with the LORD himself. It is so easy to be relationally intimate with friends, abiding in one another, sharing burdens and struggles, hugging, encouraging one another. It's immediate - it's right there (literally). But I couldn't hug God, and though I could pray and submit my life and my anxieties to Him, I could be comforted and encouraged by His Word (if I could just get myself to open it sometimes) - being a person who has touch as a love language, I could never hug or be hugged by our Almighty Father (at least on this side of heaven). And that was frustrating, the physical intimacy just wasn't there. LORD, what was I to do?!

But as I sat outside in silence, as my mind started to clear, my eyes started to wander and I slowly started to take in my surroundings. And being the summer naturalist at the Arboretum, of course it was nature that caught my eye.

I observed the blades of grass. Each piece was watered, grown and cared for by the LORD.
I watched the birds in the air. They neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet our Heavenly Father feeds them.
I looked at one of the tiny insects that crawled onto my notebook. As tiny as you are, and as insignificant as you seem, the Creator thought of you, gave you a name and intricately designed you with a purpose in the ecosystem.
I felt the wind that blew over and around me. Our God has both power and authority over the wind and the waves. 

Though God may not have been physically there to give me a hug, these observations helped me realize that God has always been around. His creation are the living marks that He leaves around us to remind us that He is living, present, and at work in us and the world around us.

Yes, I may still not be able to get a physical hug from our Heavenly Father who loves his children, but to be completely surrounded by His marvellous works, be that under the shadow of a tree, or immersed in the songs of birds - the LORD reminded me in the silence that "I am with you always".