Pity Love

It’s simply a fact that loving others can be difficult at times. I’m sure it isn’t hard to think of friends and family that are easier to love than others. We’re told in school to include those who are lonely, even if you may not desire to or want to because “it’s the right thing to do”; or because you should “think about how you would feel if you were in their shoes”. For the sake simplicity, let’s call this love that’s “less genuine”, 'pity love'. 

I hate the thought of receiving “pity love”. I'm inclined to think if you’re not genuine then don’t do it (this logic obviously falls apart quite quickly). I don’t want you to spend time with me only because “you have to” or because “it’s the right thing to do”. I rather have people that actually want to spend time with me, spend time with me. I also don’t want to be a burden to you; don’t make your day worse because you had to force yourself to be my friend. 

In the book of Ruth, Boaz finds Ruth gleaning in his field and generously welcomes her (v.4), considers her (v. 5), provides for her (v.8), and ensures that she is protected (v.9). 

She bows down with her face to the ground and asks him, “Why have I found such favour in your eyes that you notice me - a foreigner?” (v.10).

My church has been going through a 4-part series on the book of Ruth that I’ve been thoroughly enjoying. As I re-read chapter 2, I was struck by this idea of finding favour in the eyes of another. I think of all the friends, families and communities that have welcomed and loved me, in Guelph, in Toronto, and at the various workplaces I’ve been a part of; why and how did I find favour in their eyes? 

Growing up, I often found myself inclined to doubt the genuineness of the friendships I had. I would get caught up in wondering if I was just receiving “pity love”; who was a true and genuine friend and who wasn't?

However, the Spirit impressed on my heart through Ruth 2 that regardless if it was “pity love” or genuine love, every friendship and interaction is actually a sovereign provision of God’s kindness and care for me. 

Moreover, especially in circumstances with “pity love”, the giver is acting in faith and in obedience to God - to love other image bearers of God, independent of how they may feel. It takes humility and sacrifice to step out of your comfort zone to love those who are hard to love, those who are neglected; to love because Christ first loved us. God is also likely using it as a means of sanctification for the giver as well. 

At the same time, the receiver, regardless of how they feel or view the situation, is simply a recipient of God’s grace and care, manifested in friends and fellowship. To reject this simply because it may not come from a genuine place is not only a refusal of God’s intentional care, but also “impedes” on what God may be trying to do in the person’s life who may find it difficult to love certain individuals but are acting in obedience. 

Realizing this has led me to overflow with gratitude to thanksgiving that God would provide me (and you) with an abundance of families and friends to love and be loved by. Why have I have found such favour in God’s eyes, that He would take notice of me - a wicked and rebellious sinner, that before the foundation of the world, my heavenly Father would elect, ransom and redeem me from my sin, through the blood, death and resurrection of his only Son, to be one of his beloved children, to be a part of the body of Christ - a beautiful community that seeks the good of each other with love and encouragement? 

All glory be to God.