Loving and Journeying with Others

Besides sharing my story on struggling with same-sex attraction (SSA) at Teens Conference this year, I also put together a second workshop that highlighted a few practical ways we can love and journey alongside our friends who may be struggling in a similar way. And since i've shared my story already, I thought i'd share what I put together for this second workshop as well. 

It can be quite hard to journey alongside a friend who is struggling with SSA or someone who identifies themselves in the LGBTQ+ community. However, all have fallen short of God's perfect standard, and both the believer and the non-believer need the gospel of Jesus Christ. As I've shared in previous posts, we need to be equipped and biblically informed on what scripture teaches on the topic of homosexuality/sexual immorality. So now, how do we go, love and journey alongside those who are struggling with this?

Listen & Inquire

I am so thankful that when I had shared with my close friends at first, there weren't any adverse/hateful responses. Most of the responses were either "I don't know" or "i'll pray for you", but they still accepted and loved me as their friend. However, I personally wanted others to inquire more; to seek to understand my struggle more. I know that I was in a place where I was ready to share and wanted to talk more about what was going on in my heart and in my mind. It didn't matter to me if you didn't have any answers, and I wasn't expecting anyone to offer me a "quick fix solution" either. I will note though that this differs from person to person. Not everyone is willing or is keen to share in depth, so don't force it out of them, but asking questions like "when did you know?" or "how do you feel about all this" can be helpful, to talk it out and better understand. 

If someone does share this vulnerable part of their life with you, be ready to listen, but also thank them for their sharing. It takes a lot of courage and trust to share something like this, with fears of rejection or making a friendship awkward. Create a safe space and be a safe person for them to talk to.  

Love Biblically

In the society we live in today, the word "love" has been thrown around and has been redefined. When the world speaks of love, it's meant in a sensual, sentimental way. It's about celebrating another person's lifestyle/decisions regardless of what it is, it's about full acceptance, tolerance, and is defined by warm and fuzzy feelings. 

However, God, who is love, has defined it in His word. "Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not arrogant, it is not rude. It doesn't insist on its own way. Love does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. Our society today has got to a point where what is evil is celebrated, and what is good is condemned. And it is clear in this passage that love does not rejoice in wrongdoing. It doesn't celebrate or approve of evil. Rather, it rejoices in the truth, the truth that is found in God's Word. Love isn't to not offend, or to stay silent. To love biblically sometimes even means rebuking another individual, even if that means it may hurt the other person's feelings, for the sake of their personal holiness. 

Speak The Whole Truth / Point to The Gospel

This ties in with loving biblically, and though this obviously requires discernment and wisdom, as Christians, we hold the truth of God and we must be speaking and sharing it with others (believers and non-believers)! All are in need of being pointed back to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Always seek to speak biblical truth and not your own. Do you really think that your personal advice from your however many years of life and limited experiences surpasses the truth and word of our Creator God?

But, to be able to speak the truth of God in the first place requires you to be in the Word of God regularly! Yes, your typical sunday school answers growing up - "read you bible", "pray", "Jesus", are the right answers! As you grow in your understanding of the Word and your relationship with God, your mind becomes more and more informed, and so the better we can wield our weapon (the Word of God) in any and every situation. 

Quick note here though, remember that these are people you're interacting with, they're not projects. It isn't just a matter of dropping the gospel in their lap and leaving. It requires love, care, sacrifice, patience, and friendship. That's why we are to journey alongside them!

Consider Them, Don't be a Stumbling Block

At a church retreat a couple of summers ago, I shared my struggle with a close friend of mine. He simply deserved to know this part of my life. After sharing with him, he gave me a big hug and said something that I actually wasn't expecting. He asked "so it would probably be good if I didn't change in front of you right? (since we shared the same room that weekend)" to which I replied, "yea, that's probably a good idea". 

You can feel helpless sometimes when you're walking alongside a friend. However, there are probably things you can do to help make their struggle a little bit easier. Consider them and their unique needs. Don't be a reason for why your brother/sister may fall into sin. How can you be considerate of those around you?

Pray With and For Them

That's right, another sunday school answer! Prayer is powerful, believe it! I always think of Genesis 18 when Abraham pleads for Sodom. God is ready to pour his wrath upon the wickedness that was Sodom and Gomorrah, but Abraham asks that if there are 50 righteous people in the city, to spare the city. God complies, and Abraham continues to pray, what if there are 40? 30? 10? And God complies each time, and we see firsthand, the hand of God being moved by the prayer and cries of His people. Spoiler alert, God still destroys Sodom and Gomorrah because even 10 righteous individuals were not found to be righteous in the city. 

My point here is that prayer is powerful and is not meant to be neglected. A way to love those around us is by praying for them. For their salvation, that the Word would convict them, that there would be genuine repentance and joy in obedience and in the mortification of their sin. Pray this with hope, faith and expectation! 

And I would challenge us to go beyond just "i'll pray for you", but why not pray with them right then and there? It is always a blessing to be prayed for and prayed over (in person) in times of distress or struggle. Praise God for the body of Christ and that we can come before the throne because Christ is our mediator. 

Be in Community / Seek Accountability

The devil, our enemy is described prowling like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour in 1 Peter 5:8. Especially in times of isolation, we as believers become incredibly vulnerable to temptation and the traps of the devil. And so we must find community, all of us, regardless of what we struggle with. As a friend, it is good to consider keeping your friend accountable on a regular basis, but know that you are not their saviour. Getting plugged into a small group and a church is critical as it allows all the members of the body to help point, encourage and challenge one another in their own respective walks. 

1 Thessalonians 5:12-14 says "now we ask you brothers and sisters, to acknowledge those who work hard among you, who care for you in the Lord and who admonish you. Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other. And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone."

Obviously what I've just mentioned is not a comprehensive list, but these were the points that I shared with the youth this past week. I hope you find them helpful! May God continue to bless you as you walk in faithful obedience, in loving the Lord and loving one another.